please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
