So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
