Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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