dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude i'm inner monologue high
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
