I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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