I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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