apparently the secret to your success is patron
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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