Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
