The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
