I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
