Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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