oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
