I hope mine doesn't look like that
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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