my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
