Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
