But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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