and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
