I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
