just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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