I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
