If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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