Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
