The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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