last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
