Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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