she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
