I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
