And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
