Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
