1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
