we're blogging at a bar
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
