When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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