Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
how drunk are you?
Several
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
