This is not my ceiling
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
