Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
