are you still at the devil's house?
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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