Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
