Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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