Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
