I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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