did you get engaged???
your thong is hanging out like whoa
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
