Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
honey bunches of taint.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
