even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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