im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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