Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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