I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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