U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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