Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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