a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
