Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
