Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
