Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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