haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
