Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
