Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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